Alone
by AliseAndrews
Summary: Laura Roslin deals with her loss after "Sacrifice" AR


Disclaimer: This is an original story based on the characters of Battlestar Galactica. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: This is my first Battlestar Galactica fic. I only became interested in the show a short while ago, and while I've seen all of the 1st and almost all of the 2nd season, I haven't seen any of the third and so those of you who know these characters better than I do will have to be patient with me. This is something that came into mind while watching "Sacrifice" from the 2nd season. I hope you enjoy it.

When she arrived at the Life Station, struggling for every breath she took, trying to turn away from the lights that caused her eyes pain, she looked for him...wanted to see him. He was there, right by her side. She felt his fingers curling around her hand and she was glad he was there. She was glad she would not die alone. She didn't want to leave him. She didn't want to leave any of them, but especially Billy. She knew the way he felt about her, knew from the way he looked at her and the gentle way he had always talked to her. The two of them had never talked about the families they had lost, but both knew in their own way that the other had helped to fill that void. Each time she opened her eyes she looked for him, and he was there. "What will become of him?" she wondered as she watched him from her bed, trying to keep busy with paperwork that didn't matter. It broke her heart. She didn't want to leave him alone.

A tear started to fall as she remembered waking up when she should have been dead, and when she realized she wasn't, she looked for Billy. It was the first tear that had come since Bill had called her from Cloud Nine and told her the news. She had watched Bill during the hostage crisis, watched the anguish behind his eyes as he faced the possibility of losing Lee. She had been holding her breath, praying to the Gods that Lee would be alright and when she heard the sound of Bill's voice her heart had stopped thinking that Lee was dead. But it wasn't Lee...it was Billy. Her high heels created a lonely echo as she walked slowly down the hall towards the morgue. She paused before going in... what was it she had said to Tigh just today? Billy was the closest thing to family she had left. Now, she was completely alone. She opened the door and seeing Bill there caused a new onslaught of tears. His shoulders were that of a defeated man. He was sitting by the now grotesque body of Sharon Valerii--his Sharon Valerii. She hadn't known what he was planning to do and suddenly a surge of anger swept through her.

"Is this what you gave them?" she asked, her voice sounded like it was coming from far away.

He didn't look at her and she felt more alone than ever. "It was a calculated risk."

She was in bitter pain. "It wasn't worth it," she said angrily and then finally turned towards Billy.

She was determined not to fall apart in front of Billy. She sat down next to him and as she turned to look at his face her strength completely failed her. She put a hand against the wall, crying for all the experiences that Billy would never have, and crying for herself that she had nothing to lean against now except a wall. She turned back to face him and tenderly fixed a piece of his hair.

"That's better," she said quietly. It wasn't fair; she was walking on legs that shouldn't be working anymore, breathing air with lungs that shouldn't be working anymore. She was prepared to die. She inhaled deeply, "He was so young," she sobbed and then stood up and walked out. There was a part of her that was dead now, and she would never be able to get that back.

For days Laura walked around in a daze, taking care of business during the day and crying once she was in the seclusion of her quarters. She was cordial to the new aide, a classy young girl named Torey. Laura liked her, but her presence was a constant reminder that Billy was gone. Three nights after Billy had been killed, she had been in her quarters watching the stars when Torey had brought her a box of Billy's things. Laura didn't know that Torey had been one of the ones assigned to Billy's quarters and the gentle smile on Torey's face as she handed her a box of "things I thought you'd like to have" warmed Laura's heart.

"Thank you," she whispered, taking the box from her and retreating to her bed after Torey had left. She opened the box with shaking hands. She smiled as she brought out the book she had given him for his birthday a few months ago, pages bent from where he left off last. She opened the first page to the inscription she had written. "To Billy, When I see you, I am reminded to still have hope for the human race. Thank you for everything. President Laura Roslin." She brushed a tear away and pulled out some of his ties—the red one with the stripes, she always did like that one. Like herself, Billy had only packed for the journey to Galactica and didn't have many possessions. Everything in the small box was precious to her however because it was a connection to Billy. She was pulling out some papers he had written for her, when she saw it. It was a framed picture of the two of them, with his arm around her. The tears came without reservation then, and then turned to sobs as she cradled the picture against her heart.

She stopped when she heard the knock on the door. She madly wiped away the tears, fearing that it would be Torey or even worse Dr. Baltar. "Come in," she said, standing up and straightening her suit. She drew in a sharp breath as she saw Bill walk in.

"How's Lee?" she asked.

"He's going to be fine," Bill answered; the relief evident in his voice.

"Thank the Gods," she breathed and then a silence fell between them.

"Your new aide seems to be a nice girl," Bill said after a few moments.

"Yes, she is...was there something you wanted?"

He stepped closer to her. "I came to see how you were doing."

She felt her heart flutter at the kindness in his features. "Thank you Bill," she said and then bit her lower lip to keep from crying again. "It's just going to take awhile."

"If you need to talk..." he offered but she shook her head."No, I'm fine." It was a lie, but he had more important things to deal with than her grief.

"Well," he said as he turned to leave. "You know where I am."

"Thank you Bill," she said as she turned back to sit on the edge of her bed. He was almost at the door when she spoke. "I've...I've been so angry with you the past few days...even hated you and I'm sorry."

He turned back around and walked towards her. "I don't blame you for blaming me for what happened Laura."

She started to speak and then was choked back by tears. She took a deep breath, "No Bill, that's not it."

"What then?" he asked gently.

She turned to him, her eyes full of tears, "Because...because you still have your boy."

He said nothing just sat down next to her, putting his arm around her. She leaned her head against his shoulder and then he whispered, "Laura, I've been where you are now before," and with that she broke down and he tightened his grip on her. They stayed like that, even after she had stopped crying. It was so comforting to feel his arms around her, to feel the beating of his heart. She had almost forgotten what it was like to feel safe. "Thank you," she whispered.

He answered by reaching up a hand to caress the top of her head. Laura sighed and burrowed herself deeper in his embrace.

Perhaps, she wasn't all alone in the world after all.


End file.
